5 Countries Boris Johnson Will Visit Next

Photo by Geoff Marshall from the Londonist Flickr pool

With Boris Johnson recently visiting Israel and Japan on trade missions, adding to previous trips to Malaysia, Qatar, Indonesia and South Korea among others, we cast our eyes forward six months to the end of his mayoralty and the overseas forays he can still fit in…


The Kutlug-Timur minaret. Photo by kvitlauk under a Creative Commons licence

The three-day mission to explore new markets for London exports wasn’t an unqualified success, with the mayor causing a stir with a comparison of the Kutlug-Timur minaret at Konye-Urgench to his own member. One of the entrepreneurs invited along, Crispin Turtleton-Wylde of Tupik Yurts based in Dalston, said “there just aren’t any more rooftops in Hackney to open more outdoor cinemas and pop-up bars on, so the local demand for yurts is waning. We’re really hoping this will inject some more life into the business”.

Londonist contacted a member of the Ersari tribe for a comment, but he told us he was binge-watching Mr Robot on Amazon Prime and could we please come back later in case the government cottoned on to his IP changer before he found out what happens to Shayla.


With the world’s second highest GDP per capita and so many investment funds it’s difficult to throw a gold bar without hitting one, the mayor made a flying visit to ask the duchy to please stop enticing London-headquartered financial services companies over to its tax havened shores.

“Britain won’t be leaving the EU and I’ll personally campaign to make sure of it,” said Boris. “There’s no need for HSBC and JPMorgan to move, being in the EU is absolutely the best thing for London.” He then headed off to dangle on a zipwire before anyone could ask him about anything he’d ever said to the contrary.


More of this, please. Photo by Kevin Cardosi from the Londonist Flickr pool

With trips to Qatar, the UAE and Kuwait under his belt, the only surprise is how long it took for Boris Johnson to visit Bahrain. “Please build more ridiculously tall skyscrapers,” he begged property developers at one lunch. “London desperately needs more ridiculously tall skyscrapers.”


With trips to Malaysia, Singapore, Hong Kong and Indonesia under his belt, the only surprise is how long it took for Boris Johnson to visit Brunei. “Please build more luxury apartment blocks,” he begged property developers at one lunch. “The one thing London needs above all others is more luxury apartment blocks.”


A planned visit to Tibet ended in farce after comments made a few days earlier, while in China for the third time. “All these ‘Free Tibet’ protesters,” the mayor told reporters. “They’re just a bunch of vegan, kumbaya-singing hippies. Nobody takes them seriously. Why would anyone have a problem with China? I’d happily hand over half the capital’s infrastructure to them if I could.”

This unfortunate statement coincided with the annual Tibetan Uprising commemoration and the mayor was advised his security could not be guaranteed if he went ahead with a visit to Lhasa, and anyway they didn’t want to see him anymore. Mr Johnson complained that his joke had been taken out of context and ‘whipped up’ on social media.

The Dalai Lama was observed elsewhere, sadly shaking his head.

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13 November 2015 | 3:00 pm – Source: londonist.com


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