Can you talk your way out of an obvious indecent exposure charge?
These following eight guys came up with the best (worst) excuses for inappropriately flashing their penises in public. Here’s the best of a very bad bunch.
1. Post-genital wax itching and bad flatulence
The most recent addition to the list allows us to kick off with a trump.
David Foskette was this week found naked in a bush in a Burger King car park by police after they were tipped off that he had been exposing himself while driving.
He told police he was hiding naked in the bush because he needed to fart – and didn’t want to do it in his car.
His reason for driving naked int he first place? Apparently he had just had a ‘brozilian’ all-off wax and his genitals were itching. The condoms and towel on his car seat gave the game away eventually, if the fact he was standing naked in Burger King’s bushes wasn’t convincing enough.
2. The difficult-to-dispute ‘because I wanted to’
Male porn star Donny Wright (real name, Nicholas Gonzales), was caught masturbating over firemen’s equipment in a fire station.
When asked why by police officers, he stated: ‘Because I wanted to.’
When Scott Smith was caught by police officers behind a convenience store with his man parts out for all to see, lesser men than he would have accepted guilt.
However, Mr Smith boldly explained that this was simply due to his trousers having shrunk.
4. Airing is caring
When William Gibson was caught by the police in public ‘fluffing’ his penis with his trousers round his ankles some might have thought he was a goner.
Not Gibson, who told disbelieving officers he was only ‘airing out’ his penis.
Maybe he should have worn a kilt.
5. Rewarding an act of (imagined) citizenry
Darrell Moore entered his local police station and told officers he had witnessed a murder.
After his good deed he apparently rewarded himself, according to officers, by brazenly taking off his trousers to sexually gratify himself.
Sadly for him his act of citizenry (which remains unsubstantiated) did not save him from being charged for lewd conduct, indecent exposure and disorderly conduct.
6. Rash decision
Here’s the odd one out – because this guy did avoid being charged.
How did he do it you ask?
The man, after being accused of publicly masturbating in a park, told officers he was innocently scratching a rash on his testicles.
To prove it he pulled down his trousers for the officers – and they actually left him off.
We have not supplied a photo for this one, but one can only guess it was not a pretty sight.
7. The old penis scab ploy
Steven Young was enjoying St Patrick’s day in his own unique way by openly masturbating at a St Paddy’s parade after smoking crystal meth.
His succinct explanation was that he was picking a scab on his penis.
Needless to say the excuse bombed and he was arrested.
8. The classic ‘I was high’ excuse
Gregory Matthew Bruni’s act of indecent exposure is arguably the pinnacle of crazy, naked, masturbatory behaviour.
Not only did he jump, naked, off the roof of a stranger’s house, knocking one of the owners to the ground, but he then proceeded to pull a TV off the wall, masturbate furiously in the living room, empty his bowels on the carpet and attempt to eat the contents of a vacuum cleaner.
No explanation was necessary when police finally caught him.
They quickly sent him off to hospital to determine, in their words, ‘what Bruni was on.’
MORE: Burger King car park flasher blames itchy brozilian and bad flatulence for indecent exposure
25 May 2014 | 7:32 pm – Source: metro.co.uk