Farage, who is currently outside the Downing Street gates asking police officers “Is it time yet? What about now?” repeatedly, is unable to keep still or properly enjoy his pint and cigarettes.
He said: “It’s driving me mad.
“I’ve already been waiting for years and years and to be told there are still 167 sleeps left until I can wake up and unwrap the new Britain is more than I can bear.
“I mean I already know what it is and I’ll enjoy it even more if I can have it now so it’s not fair that I have to wait until May.
“Please. Please. Please please please please please. Pleeeeeeeease?”
Farage then lay on his back kicking wildly at the air with his eyes tightly closed in the forlorn hope that it would cause time to pass more quickly.
The Speaker of the House said: “I feel for Nigel, but I can’t make an exception for him.
“I say exactly the same thing to George Osborne every day when he comes in with a new reason why he has to stop being the boring Chancellor and start all his lucrative consultancies.
“Until May Nigel can just play with the two MPs he’s got, even if they are second-hand.”